Principles of attractive body language

I started to notice that in creating attraction, what you say often matters less than
how you say it. Two aspects of your communication that convey dominance and create
attraction are a richly resonant voice and slow, measured speech. You may not possess a
Barry White basso profundo, but you can still make the vocal instrument you have a much
more effective one. The following two drills will help get you started. For further
instruction on improving your vocal technique (a valuable life skill in its own right),
consult the excellent audio program The Sound of Your Voice by Dr. Carol Fleming.
Exercise 1. How to have a low, deep, resonant voice that instantly catches attention
Start humming. First, do it in a way that makes your lips vibrate. Then move it inside
such that you are humming mostly from the mouth. Then move the humming sensation to
the back of the throat. From there move it on down to the middle of the throat, and then
your chest, and finally all the way down to your abdomen. Sitting up straight will help the
resonance. Now that you have the humming coming all the way from the diaphragm,
practice projecting your voice from there by reading the preceding paragraph. Practice it
enough such that you are comfortable speaking this way regularly.
When you first start to change something as distinctive as your vocal habits, it may
feel weird to you and sound strange to your friends. This is perfectly normal. In order to
make the transition to more effective vocal habits, first practice by yourself where nobody
can hear you. It is particularly useful to practice into a recording device, listen back to
your own voice, then make incremental improvements. After you’re comfortable doing
this by yourself, then do it with strangers who don’t know the way you used to sound.
After you have done that, move to incorporating your new habits in your everyday
conversations. After a short while, everyone will come to recognize you with your new
voice and won’t remember the way you used to sound.
Exercise 2. How to use pauses and tempo to make your speech almost hypnotic
While you read a passage out loud, insert one pause per sentence. Make each pause for the
count of one second by saying ‘one one thousand’ to yourself. Now read the paragraph
again, this time inserting two pauses, each of them one second long. Then do it again, this
time adding three pauses. Add to that the vocal resonance you practiced in Drill 1.
Practice regularly such that speaking in a slow, measured manner becomes a habit. Start
by doing it alone, then on the phone, then in everyday conversation. Notice how people
respond to you differently.
Principles of attractive body language
There have been dozens of books written about body language, and most of them
are not very good. When it comes to body language, observation is your best tool.
Without needing to refer to a book, you can notice the general body language associated
with a desirable state in someone else, and then mimic it in your own fashion.
Two adjectives characterize the body language of a dominant, attractive male:
relaxed and calm. As you make a mental picture of a strong, self-sufficient, dominant
male, notice how calm and relaxed he is. There is little tension or agitation. Movements
are slow, smooth and deliberate, not jerky and fidgety. One of the best ways to truly
internalize attractive body language is by watching movies of actors who exhibit it. Gary
Cooper in High Noon, John Wayne in Red River and Clark Gable in Gone With the Wind
are good models to emulate.


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